Good Enough
by thepotterheadfrommiddleearth
Summary: Something's been eating away at Alec, and Magnus intends to figure out what that is. Lots of fluff and feels. DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters.
Magnus winced with every punch.

 _Thud_.

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.

 _Thud_.

Somebody was going to have to talk to Alec. He'd been holed up in the training room for too long.

 _Thud_.

Magnus just wished he'd choose a more silent piece of equipment to take his pent-up angst out on. How was he supposed to ignore the fact that Alec wasn't talking to him if he could hear him punching the stupid punching bag all day?

 _Thud_.

Yes. Someone was going to have to talk to Alexander. Not that it'd be an easy feat- he'd shut himself off for the past few days. But if anyone could do it, it'd be Magnus.

 _Thud_.

"Alec?"

 _Thud_. _Thud_.

"I know you can hear me."

 _Thud_.

"Stop punching the damn bag and listen to me."

Silence.

Good. Alec was listening. Now what?

"You're been in there for a long time, Alec. That's not healthy."

Thud.

Great. Alec was back at the bag, with what seemed more energy than before. There was only one way to solve this- confrontation.

With a sigh, Magnus let his magic crackle at his fingertips- he didn't want to have to break in, but there are only so many ways through locked doors, and if reason wasn't going to work, then magic it was.

The door knob glowed blue as he broke in.

"Piss off."

"I haven't spoken to you in three days, and you greet me with 'piss off'?"

"I could have said something else beginning with 'f' but I decided it was too early."

"Early? Alec, it's four in the afternoon."

That stopped him.

He froze, facing away from Magnus. The one window in the room cast dim sunlight onto his heavily runed back, his sweat glistening in the afternoon light.

Oh, and he was shirtless.

It almost made Magnus happy to see that.

But he also saw that Alec was thin- too thin. Had he been eating? He only came out of this room to sleep and use the bathroom, and Magnus was never around to see either of those.

Poor, poor Alec. Something had been eating him up, and his only solution was taking it out on the pathetic looking punching bag.

"It's four in the afternoon?"

"Yeah."

He turned around.

His hair was sticking to his head with sweat. It was obvious he hadn't showered in a while. He also hadn't shaved in some time- Magnus could see traces of a beard beginning to form. He looked tired, so tired that Magnus just wanted to charm him to sleep right then and there. Charm him to sleep and then play with his hair- well, only after he'd washed it.

"What brings you here?"

 _You_ , Magnus wanted to scream.

"Your sister," he lied. "She's worried about you."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "Is she?"

"Yes," Magnus said. "Alec, you haven't shown your face in three days. Three days. Please, entertain me- why are you shutting yourself up in here?"

"I- I, uh…" He averted his gaze, studying the floor with intensity. "I need to train."

"As if," Magnus scoffed, unashamedly eying Alec's muscular abdomen.

"Look, I'm busy, so if you could-"

"I can't."

Alec froze. "What?"

"You asked me if I could. I said I can't."

"You don't even know what I was going to ask."

Magnus shrugged. "I know. But it was going to mean leaving you here. And so I can't."

Alec stared at him, his icy blue eyes looking right into Magnus. There was no point hiding his true intentions. "Alec, I don't know what you're doing in here, but I know it's not training. I know you're hiding. And the first few times I knocked on your door, I thought you'd tell me what you're hiding from. But you didn't. So I can't help but think…"

He took a deep breath.

"Alexander, are you hiding from me?"

He had hoped for shock, for denial, but nothing had prepared Magnus for Alec nodding.

He nodded.

As if it wouldn't break Magnus into a million pieces.

But something on Magnus' face obviously gave that away, and so Alec closed his eyes and drew back slightly.

"God, Magnus- just- never mind. Forget it. I'll come back downstairs, I'll have dinner with you all, I'll be happy again. I'm not hiding from you. I just- panicked. I'm fine. Okay?" He smiled a smile that would usually melt Magnus' heart, but it wasn't sincere. Magnus didn't have to be a warlock to figure that out.

"Just talk to me, Alec!" He yelled.

And the world stood still.

There was nothing, no one but them.

"Talk to me," Magnus whispered.

Alec bit his lip. The dim light made his eyes twinkle as if tear-filled, but Magnus knew better. This was Alec, the Alec he knew better than anyone else in the world.

Wasn't it?

"Magnus," he began, "do you like me?"

"Do I like you?" Magnus laughed, almost maniacally. If the questions Alec had were this easy, they'd be made up in no time.

"Like- do you like me. Not my… uh, body, or… I don't know, what I do and say to you… do you like… me."

"Yes. Of course."

"Really?"

And if Alec hadn't smashed Magnus' heart into smithereens before, he did now.

Because Alec, the Alec he knew better than anyone else in the world, didn't believe him. He didn't believe Magnus liked him.

And that broke his heart.

"Alec-"

"Stop, Magnus. I know you'll tell me you do like me, but that's just… not what I want to hear."

"Then what do you want to hear?"

Alec spun around and threw another punch at the dismal grey bag. It swung back to him, seemingly unaware of its intrusion on their private conversation.

"I don't-"

 _Thud_.

"- know-"

 _Thud_.

"- I just want to be-"

 _Thud_. _Thud_.

"- good-"

 _Thud_.

"- enough-"

 _Thud_. _Thud_.

"- for you."

Silence.

"I just want to be good enough for you, Magnus. I don't know if I can be."

He stopped throwing punches, facing away from Magnus. That was it. Everything he wanted to say. He wanted to be good enough.

"Alec."

Magnus wanted to be interrupted. He wanted Alec to scream at him, to cry, to laugh and say it was a joke, to do something. Hell, he even wanted Alec to aim another punch at that stupid punching bag.

But Alec was done. He didn't have anything left to get out, anything left to conceal.

"Alec."

"I get it. You know my name," he said, and his voice cracked ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't say it so much. It's a habit." Magnus smirked softly. "I've been told never to use a god's name in vain."

Silence. The smirk faded from Magnus' mouth. Was that the wrong thing to say?

"Because that's what you are. A god among men. But here's the thing- you're absolutely oblivious to it. In fact, you're blind in more ways than one. Because not only do you not see how impossibly perfect you are, but you don't see that I am helplessly in love with you."

It felt weird to say it.

But Alec turned around, and the glimmer in his eyes made Magnus want to keep talking.

"I am so, so in love with you, Alec, and I don't want you to ever think that's not true. You're good enough for me- you're too good for me. You're flawless. Your only flaw is that you don't realise that."

Alec smiled a little. "That's paradoxical- a flawed yet flawless human being?"

"You're not a human being, remember? You're a god. But if you insist, I'll add another flaw to the list."

"And what's that?"

"You've forced a terrible pun to become a reality."

"Oh? What pun is that?"

Magnus smiled. "I may be a warlock, but I'm under your spell."

Alec laughed. "Magnus."

"You're enchanting."

"Magnus, stop-"

"Spell-binding-"

"Oh, shut up."

"Make me."

Magnus, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, was very chatty. Few people alive today could quieten him. He'd talk his way in and out of trouble. Some said he talked in his sleep. Yes, it was fair to say there were very few ways of making Magnus Bane shut up.

But it appeared kissing him was one of them.

Alec kissed him, kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Magnus would usually have requested he shower first, but for some odd, grotesque reason, he didn't mind the fact Alec hadn't showered in three days.

All that mattered was them- Alec and Magnus and Magnus and Alec.

They kissed, and the pieces of Magnus' heart welded themselves back together and learnt to beat in time with Alex's- Magnus could feel his pulse as he held him close.

And he would never let him go.

Magnus was right- Alec was a god. Because right now, he was sure he was in heaven.

* * *

Alec didn't know if he was a god or not, but when he was with Magnus, he felt like one. There was something empowering, enabling, enchanting even, about Magnus, and it made him feel so… different.

He had shut himself away because of something Magnus had said, something he couldn't even remember now, but all that remained of that conversation was the spiralling feeling of never being good enough for him.

That was, perhaps, his biggest fear- not being good enough. That he wouldn't be good enough for his parents, his ancestors, because he was homosexual. That he wouldn't be good enough for Jace, that he would fail him in a critical moment of battle. That he wouldn't be good enough for Izzy, because he wasn't strong enough to defend her. But above all, he was afraid he wouldn't be good enough for Magnus. He was afraid of being left behind by Magnus, being tossed into the shadows of Magnus' cataclysmically bright personality.

He had convinced himself that he didn't deserve Magnus. He had convinced himself that by shutting himself away, Magnus would move on before either of them got hurt.

In fact, he had convinced himself that he wouldn't hurt at this separation.

But all of this conviction fell away when Magnus said he loved him.

It was as if that was all Alec needed to hear to realise that it was true.

And so he kissed him. Of course he did. What else was there to say? That Alec loved Magnus? That went unsaid but had never been clearer.

Because Alec did love Magnus. He was so incredibly in love that he locked himself away in a dingy training room for three days to get over it, and even then he was still helplessly under Magnus' spell.

All that he could hear in his head was his heart beat as Magnus' hands traced circles on his back. God, he wished he had showered, or at least used a towel to clean himself up. He didn't want Magnus to see him at anything but his best.

And yet-

Here he was. Kissing Alec. Despite the sweat, the dirt, the everything. He was kissing him just as he was.

He loved him just as he was.

Alec pulled himself back slightly, enough to see Magnus in the buttery yellow light. Magnus smiled up at him, his yellow-green eyes locking with Alec's own.

"I… uh… thanks."

"Thanks?"

"For… that."

"For what?" Magnus asked playfully.

"For the kiss," Alec shrugged, "and for telling me you love me."

Magnus took a bow, and replied, "Any time- and thank you for the kiss. And for telling me you love me."

"I- I never said-"

"You never said it, true, but trust me Alexander- if I know you, and I do, you'd never be able to kiss someone you didn't love like that."

Alec laughed a little, and kissed Magnus on the forehead. "Wow, what great insight- it's almost as if you're magic or something."

"With kisses like that, you're the magic one here."

"Of course I'm magic. I'm a god, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Magnus pulled him closer, running his fingers through Alec's dirty hair. "You're my god, Alec. You're my everything."

Alec kissed him again, because there was nothing else to say. Nothing else could convey how much that meant to him.

God, did he love Magnus.

If he was a god, Magnus was the sky, because Magnus gave him the world. Because he wanted to forever be there with Magnus.

Because together, they were one and the same.

Because there was nothing- _nothing_ \- that stood a chance at breaking them apart.


End file.
